straightly over

I don't really like exposing my life. especially my love life. it' just like, blog is not the right place to share. but this is my blog. i can write anything, whatever i want. i think i have nothing better to do while i need someone to share without judging me just like everybody do. I'm sick of judges.

So today, me and V argued again. I hate fighting, enough tears. at the end, we're busy with our things. he hung out with his friends and here i am again. room full of tissues since i can't stop my snots. I know. I was thinking i'd stop bothering V. so I could stop bothering myself. that's a simple rule in relationship: your lover is your half. you cry your lover cry, you bothered your lover bothered. but now, I'm much older and wiser to understand what loving means. loving is completing, not being fully other half of your lover. Mom told me that thing. before i realize that she's definitely right. at the momment, I don't feel like we can work it out. we're so far away. distance, in mind and thought.


I cried. I never cried myself that loud before except for games when i failed doing the missions :P this time, I cry for a guy; that sounds weird. I cry because i can't be strict to him. I never win the argue. It's not like debating about politics. I'm screaming my heart out, i'm telling him how i've been feeling and it hurts that he doesn't understand. I'm stressed out. I've eaten all the chocolate candies in my refrigerator and i spent hours watching step up, ate more chocolate candies, and listened to hide & seek (imogen heap). I fell asleep. i've just woke up a minutes ago. and now, i'm feeling much more better. everything seems better --except i gotta clean these tissues so i can get more and nice sleep ;)